Matters of the Heart in Story Format – Tales of a Vancouver Girl

Category: funny

House Elephants are only allowed to Play on the Carpet

Nathan meditates in the morning, so typically, while he’s going to his Zen place, I am in my pre-work frantic mode. I am running around the house like a mad woman looking for my keys or some other much-needed-item…like the nacho chip I found shaped like Jesus. Hey, it’s good for work show-and-tell.

Sometimes I am doing a marathon between two floors, and there is no carpeting in our place. As you can imagine, there is a lot of thumping about.

This morning, Nathan lamented from the meditation room, “Are there ELEPHANTS in the HOUSE?!”

Next thing Nathan saw was this…


Wood elephants on parade

A little wooden elephant squeezing its way into the meditation room, “I was just playing. Brrrraaaaarrrr (<- elephant noise).” To which Nathan replied, “Well, go play on the carpet (i.e. rug)!”

Yeah, that made me a little late for work.

**Little wooden elephant was a gift from Teegan. It’s from an Antique Shop in Delaware.


Hell hath no fury like a man who’s had his burrito stolen

Ronaldo and I ventured out for food during the work day, and we happened upon a place called Padre Tacos in Bentall Centre. This little hole in the wall serves Korean-inspired Mexican food. Ronaldo got a Seaweed Taco (which is really a burrito), and it was made with a tortilla, seaweed, spanish rice, cheese, bulgogi beef, lettuce, tomato’s, and cucumbers.


I’mma eat you!

We thought it’d taste bizarre, but I snuck two bites when Ronaldo was looking at his monitor and it was amazing. If he does CSI on my teeth marks, I’m in trouble. Hell hath no fury like a man who’s had his burrito stolen.

I was chatting with my iBff, 6pence2life, (that’s Internet Best friend forever. Everybody needs ones), and told her of this amazing concoction. The following conversation ensued…

6pence2life: Dammit. Now I want a burrito!

Me: It’s all Ronaldo’s fault.

6pence2life: Yeah, tell him he sucks. Hahaha!

Me: Ok, I did. When I told him, he picked up his burrito and started petting it.

6pence2life: If I worked there, he would be petting a ransom photo of the burrito.

This made me bust my gut, which gave me more room for that oddly delicious little donkey (aka burrito).

Angry Teegan is like an Angry Jigglypuff

I wandered out for lunch with Teegan under a blanket of low hanging clouds. Most often, she and I are together at lunch. Have I ever told you about Teegan? We are quirky people in a quirky friendship.

Low hanging clouds and gray all around

Low hanging clouds and gray all around

She is petite, soft-spoken, adorable, and will punch anyone in the face that gets in my way. No, really. I tell her my woes and she gets so mad that she declares that she will seriously punch offending parties in the face. Not that I would ever condone that but watching Teegan get worked up is like watching a Pokemon get mad. I’m thinking of Pikachu or Jigglypuff turning into an cute and pretty version of the Incredible Hulk.

This is Jigglypuff when angry.

This is Jigglypuff when angry.

In reciprocation, because it is a friendship, whenever she goes away and comes back from a trip, I surprise her with interesting and random news that amuses her. For instance, she once went away for a week, and when she came back, I had become a vegetarian. It’s my way of saying, “Hey, you better come back…because I am doing awesome things that you can NOT miss!”  You know, like that time she went away for three weeks, and I started wearing lipstick and doing handstands in the office.

We have a pact to limit ourselves on the shopping this year. Whenever one declares that she would like to purchase something, the other grills with questions and statements like, “Do you need that?”, or “Seriously? You have something like that.” Sometimes we lie too, “Yeah, that totally makes you look fat”, when in reality, it is absolutely exquisite. I might be the only one lying — she’d be ridiculous to think anything made her look fat. By the way, if I am sad, Teegan is horrible with this pact. “Awe. Do you want to stop by Lush?”  When this happens, I let her know that this would be an inappropriate parenting method (for her future reference), and that yes, I would like to stop by Lush.

Keep us away from stores!

Keep us away from stores!

But Teegan is more than just the girly girlfriend. She is also one of my running buddies. Whenever we run together, she tells me stories in more than 5 sentences at a time before taking a breath…even if I pick up the pace. So here we are running, I’m dying, and she is talking like she has forgotten that we are running. Magical Pokemon powers.

She also complies to my oddball request with amusement. Requests like, “Hey, hold this lil lamb up against the window so that I can take a photo!” This in a yuppie part of town.

Lil Lamb having a hayday in the yuppie part of town.

Lil Lamb (something I’ve sewn) having a hayday in the yuppie part of town

Teegan may as well be a Pokemon because I would keep her in my pocket everywhere I go.

The Best Game of Hide and Seek in a Decade

It’s 11pm at night and I am at home instant chatting with my coworker, Mike, who is in the office to support an IT-related update to our systems. He is there with our other coworker, Jake, who is also there for the same reason. The following convo takes place:

Me: What are you guys doing right now?

Mike: Well, the updates are happening. Nothing is screwing up. So, I’m surfing the net. Jake and Orwell are playing golf. (Our workplace has an in-office putting green)

This gave me a brilliant idea. So I text message Jake on his iPhone.

Me: What doing? ARE YOU PLAYING GOLF??

He: Are you watching??

Me *technically, not lying*: Come find me!!


A few moments passed.

Mike then messages me: Jake is walking around the office calling your name? He asked another coworker if you were in.

At this point, I burst out laughing.

Jake texts me: You not here!

Me: Yes, I am! I hear you calling but I’m working on something.

Lot of mayhem ensued. Eventually, I fessed up.

Jake: Dammit! I was wandering around!

But do not feel bad, Jake declared, “This was about to be the best game of hide and seek in a decade.”



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