Matters of the Heart in Story Format – Tales of a Vancouver Girl

Category: Spirituality

A Hand-knit Sweater: A Romantic Symbol of Dedication in a Life Transition

I gave Nathan his Valentine’s Day present early this year. Hand-knit sweaters can be very romantic. I practically cried when I gave it to him.  It’s more than just an effort of love.  I stayed up until 4am ripping apart and re-knitting the collar until I was satisfied. Then I woke up early because I still wasn’t satisfied and did the same thing. My eyes bloodshot. My body weary. To me, it was about commitment. I wasn’t about to give up on getting that shaping right. I am just as persistent in putting in the work for marriage.


You can see my baby bump in the corner (in pink).  It’s an Elizabeth Zimmerman sweater and if you are familiar, that means that it is seamless, and very little instructions are given.

With a baby on the way, this sweater is a symbol of dedication in a life transition.

When I learned that I was expecting, I was very aware of the dangers of how everything could end up being about the baby…that I could easily lose touch with Nathan and be on a completely different wavelength. Sure, some of my life will be about the baby. For instance, what I actually eat. But quite honestly, this whole thing is about becoming a family which involves more than just the kid.

This sweater is a symbol that we are committed to each other and that raising a child is something we do together. We are still our own individual beings.

So now, when I am working on a pair of socks for myself, or a sweater for Nathan and am asked, “Shouldn’t you be knitting for the baby?” I can say, “Yes I am.” My commitment to Nathan (and myself) through the extension of knitting is a symbol of us becoming a family. It’s about giving our best to each other to give the best to our child.


Broken Mala – Embodying the Lesson of Impermanence

I was sitting there at my desk at work, typing away at my computer, when suddenly, I hear the sound of pitter-patter and rolling. I look over to my left wrist, and my mala had broke and the beads were making a break for it.

I hadn’t snagged it on anything. The knot by the lotus had inexplicably unravelled, and now beads were rolling away from me, bouncing off my desk, and hiding behind boxes and cabinets.

Broken Mala.

Broken Mala. Sad and freeing.

I was flood with emotion. First, I felt sad. Then, I felt free. Then, I felt a mixture of all that with happiness. My trusty meditation tool embodies the lesson of impermanence.

I looked over at Teegan (who sits a few feet away), and announced, “My mala broke!” She looked concerned, “Oh NO!” Then she gauged the look on my face for the emotions that I may be feeling and asks, “Wait, are you even sad?” “I suppose? No. I guess I am not.”

A month before this event, I had meditated and communicated my wish to bring another into this world but that this should only happen if it were for the right reasons. I gave my reasons and braced myself.

Weeks after, I meditated and asked for signs: signs that my life will soon transition into another period and that I’d be bringing another into this world. My mala breaking was just one of the many signs the universe had given me.

Later on, I took the more scientific approach and bought a home pregnancy test. It confirmed what I already knew, spiritually-speaking.

My broken mala: a sign of my transition.

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